Bullying

     I wanted to talk about this not just because it's affecting someone in my life, but because I think it's becoming an issue in today's society.  We have the internet where there are all sorts of wonderful things that help make our lives better.  There are also a lot of "poisons" on the internet which destroy people's lives.  One of those "poisons" is something I don't think a lot of people realized may be leading towards a degradation of society.  The internet gives people a place to be mean anonymously.  

     I grew up without the internet, but I have seen the internet come into fruition.  At first this atmosphere of bullying, or being a "troll", was completely anonymous.  People would leave rude comments anonymously on youtube videos, or forums, or wherever.  Then, people starting thinking this was funny, or normal, and started posting it under their profile names because it gave them attention.  Social media came into existence, and this attitude has slowly seeped into the social media world.  It's become a common occurrence to be surly and sarcastic, and sometimes outright offensive online.  If you don't believe me, look down the timeline of what your friends are posting.  A lot of it will be "funny" stuff which is basically making fun of something, someone, or some place.  We all get a laugh, and as adults we know that these posts are supposed to be funny, and most of the time aren't serious.  What worries me is that our kids see these things and think that this is normal behavior.  I've noticed that the up-and-coming generation is irreverent, sarcastic, have no respect for authority, and act the way those "funny" posts portray the world to be.  We, as adults, know that it is socially unacceptable to say or do those things in public, but somehow it's become okay to do it online.  Our kids don't know the difference, and it has affected the way they interact with each other.

  

     I know that there has always been bullying.  I know that kids are often times insecure, or lasing out because of personal problems.  I know that there are always going to be social groups.  Not everybody fits in, and different personalities prevent people from being friends sometimes.  But what I'm worried about is how much this has escalated.  I think that this atmosphere irreverence online, has created a generation which thinks it's okay to be irreverent in the real world.

     This has become a problem with my own family.  I have a daughter who is being completely shunned by a lot of the girls her age.  She's a little different than girls her age.  She might be considered odd by the other girls.  She's beautiful, intelligent, and used to be outgoing.  She has straight A's, is in student council, works in a professional playhouse, and has a list of talents.  I know I'm her father, and so I'm 100% biased, but I would think she would be one of the "popular" girls.  For some reason, though, she has become the butt of all the gossip, and shunned by almost every girl in our area.  She went from being easy and outgoing, happy and fun, to being a shut-in.  She won't even go out in the yard anymore for fear that someone will see her.  It breaks my heart because she was always so happy growing up.  

     The girls around us aren't bad girls.  Some of them might even feel left out a lot of the time, too.  That's what makes it all so difficult.  I can't point at one of them and say she is a bad person.  They don't call my daughter names or anything like that, but they have completely shunned her.  None of them will have anything to do with her.  She has friends at school, but our school boundaries are really wide-spread, so some of her friends live a long way away, and between kids' dance, piano, plays, and all the other normal havoc of life it's just not possible to chauffeur her around to hang out with them often.  She is also at an awkward age where almost no kid feels comfortable in their own skin, so that compounds the problem.

     I'm not saying this all to fix just the problem with my daughter.  I've seen that this has become a fairly wide-spread occurrence.  I may be way off the mark here, but I think it comes down to the basic issue of respect and social norms.  I honestly don't think that these kids think they are being bullies.  There is a huge push to stop bullying right now, but it seems like the problem is only growing.  I think the disconnect lies in what the kids think is normal behavior.  They see the online "funny" stuff, and think that this is acceptable normal social behavior.

     The issue has lead us to limit our kids' activities online.  Not just protecting them from the normal awfulness like pornography, violence, language, and whatnot, but the innocent-looking "funny" stuff.  I am guilty of spending way too much time laughing at that content.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm rallying against humor.  I just think that the overexposure kids are getting to this culture of being inappropriate, and being praised for that inappropriate behavior, may be steering our kids in the wrong direction.  Like I said, as adults we know that the funny stuff is supposed to be funny.  We know that saying those things to another person, or about another person, is hurtful and wrong, but our kids haven't developed those filters yet.  

     What can be done about it?  Do we lock our kids indoors, shut of the internet, and hide them from the cruelty of the world?  Of course not.  I think we need to sit down, often, with them and talk about it.  It's very likely that our kids can be bullying, and not even know it.  They can be hurting people in a very real, very deep sense, and think they are just being "funny", and that it's not being taken seriously.

     I've seen the harsh reality of just how seriously these things can affect a person.  All I can do is console my daughter, and tell her to ignore the issue and stick close to her real friends.  Any efforts we've made to clear things up with parents, school teachers, and bus drivers have only made things worse for her.  More kids have jumped on the bandwagon to talk about her behind her back, but just loud enough for her to hear so that it hurts her feelings.  She goes to the bus stop, and kids will literally walk several feet away from her if she stands by them.  It breaks my heart.

     I hope none of you have to deal with this issue with your kids.  If any have, and have found a way to stop the problem, I'd love to hear it.  I think it only takes one person to change the life of a young person.  I pray that they'll grow out of it, and that she won't continue to withdraw and become socially paralyzed.  

     This is a very personal issue, and I was very reluctant to post it in a social forum like this, but I think there are a lot of people out there dealing with this very problem.  Maybe we can come up with a solution to the problem if we put our heads together.