A quick short story

     I'm going to try something new here.  I'm going to write a very short story about Christmas.  This is made up on the spot, not edited, and written in the blog post tool for this blog; so no help from editing programs.  I hope it turns out okay.

Enjoy.

The Christmas Wish

     Christmas had come again.  The stores had rushed its coming all the sooner this year.  It seemed that every year the Christmas music started playing earlier on the radio.  The toys, candies, decorations, and wrapping papers flooded the shelves of every store earlier.  The Black Friday sales started earlier.  The town's decorations went up earlier.  Even the weather seemed to want to hurry the holiday along.  Everyone wanted the Christmas season to begin. Everyone except Todd Hacken.

     Todd use to love Christmas.  He was always the first to awake on Christmas morning as a boy.  He grew up in a family of eight.  His mother and father would pile Todd, his two brothers, and three sisters all into his oldest sisters room on Christmas eve.  The sleepover was a rare treat in-and-of itself, but the siblings were all the more giddy with the anticipation of the wonders Christmas day had to offer.  Todd remembered staying awake with his brothers and sisters as long as they could, trying to hear Santa or his reindeer.  He remembered holding his eyes open with his hands so that he wouldn't fall asleep.  Of course, sleep always came, and in a blink it would be Christmas morning.  His parents would make them wait until seven A.M. to wake them up.  Most Christmases Todd was up at five.  When the time finally arrived to wake mom and dad up, Todd and all of his siblings would pour out into the hallway.  They'd fling open their parents door, and jump excitedly onto their bed.  He could scarcely remember a single gift he'd gotten on any Christmas morning, but he remembered the feeling of excitement.

     As much fun as Christmas morning was, Todd actually loved Christmas Eve even more.  Christmas Eve morning, Todd's mom would wake up early and begin baking goodies for the neighbors.  She'd let Todd and his siblings help, but the baking took most of the day, and the youngsters often tired or bored of the work.  Todd's mom never did, though.  She'd cook all morning and late into the afternoon.  When the goodies were all done, Todd and his siblings would help plate and wrap them, and then deliver them to all the neighbors.  Todd always liked that best.  It was fun to give something you'd helped make to someone you liked.

     Christmas Eve was magical.  In the neighborhood where Todd grew up, the neighbors would block off the street, put up fifty-gallon drums with logs burning inside to keep the neighbors warm, everyone would bring a plate of goodies or hot chocolate, and then the whole neighborhood would sing Christmas carols late into the night.  There was even a Jewish family that would come and teach some of their songs to the group.  It was a magical, fun-filled night.

     When the Caroling was over, Todd and his family would return home, most nearly frozen, and warm themselves by the fire.  They always performed he manger scene while Todd's dad read aloud from the scriptures the account of the first Christmas.  Todd always felt silly playing Joseph, or a wiseman, or shepherd, but his mom would insist, and Todd obliged, even into adulthood after he'd had kids of his own.  After the manger re-enactment, Todd's parents would let them watch a Christmas show, usually a claymation movie about Santa or Rudolf, and then it was off to bed for the kids.

     Todd loved those childhood memories.  He'd tried to keep up the traditions with his own family when he married.  His wife, Jill, had her own traditions, and the neighborhoods they lived in during their early years of marriage didn't seem to have an interest in getting together for caroling Christmas Eve, but Todd and Jill always baked goodies for the neighbors.  When they had their three children, and when the children were old enough, they would put on their own little production of the manger scene.  To Todd, it never seemed as good as the Christmases from his youth, but he supposed that the holiday lost some of its magic as you became an adult.

     The magic had all stopped last Christmas.

     Christmas Eve day had started the same as always.  Todd woke up early and began baking goodies.  The kids woke one by one, and finally Jill woke.  Everyone took turns helping Todd in the kitchen until the goodies were done.  It was snowing fiercely outside, and the heat from the oven made the house warm and snug.  When the goodies were all done, Todd, Jill, and the kids bundled up in their snow clothes and delivered the plates.  Todd told Jill he was worried about driving in the snow, but she insisted on keeping up her family tradition to go to her grandparents house to exchange gifts with her cousins.  Todd didn't want to argue.  Now he wished he did.

     The drive to Jill's grandparents house was slow and scary.  The roads were slick, and visibility was poor.  About half-way there, a snow plow hit a patch of black ice.  The driver over corrected and the plow slid into Todd's lane.  Todd hit the brakes, but the wheels became ice skates, and the two vehicles collided.  Todd wasn't going fast, and neither was the plow, but the vehicle was so large that it crushed the passenger's side of the car completely.  Todd lost his wife and two of his children that night.  His youngest daughter, Samantha, lived, but she had sustained permanent damage to her right arm and leg.  Todd, to his never ending remorse, walked away from the accident with little more than scratches and bruises.  His world had ended that day.

     It was a year later, the pain of loss was all the sharper with the holiday approaching.  Samantha was only ten, but she asked that they not celebrate Christmas that year.  At first Todd had insisted that they needed to celebrate the holiday for Samantha's sake, but when he saw the heartache burning so profoundly in her young eyes as they pulled out the decorations, he conceded.  He knew how she felt.  He didn't want to celebrate on the anniversary of the worst day of his life, either.  Samantha had thrown her arms around his neck when he said they didn't need to celebrate the holiday this year, and the two sobbed for almost an hour.  When they were done, Todd put the decorations away, and took his young daughter out for ice cream to take her mind off of the hurt.

     He didn't know if he should get her presents for Christmas.  Jill had always insisted on hitting all of the Black Friday sales.  They would set up the Christmas tree and all the decorations as soon as Thanksgiving dinner was cleaned up.  Once the decorations were up they would leave the oldest in charge and hit all of the stores until early the next day.

      Jill always made Christmas work, no matter how tight the budget was.  Those Black Friday sales had saved more than one Christmas.  There was only one Christmas, right after they had their first child, when they couldn't make ends meet.  Todd had just lost his job due to the poor economy, and there simply wasn't enough money.  They didn't know what to do.  Family and friends pulled together, and Christmas happened as if by some sort of miracle.  From that Christmas on, Jill had made it a point to have Christmas saved for by July, and shopping done by the end of November.  She also insisted on helping at least one family every year, even if that meant giving up some of their own Christmas to do it.

     Christmas shopping was Jill's thing.  Todd didn't even know how to start.

     Samantha's breakdown had happened on Thanksgiving night when Todd tried to pull out the Christmas decorations.  He didn't go shopping that night.  He'd missed the sales.  He hadn't budgeted since July, either, like Jill always did.  They had plenty of money from the life insurance claim, along with the generous sum the plowing company had paid to avoid a law suit, but spending the money always made Todd feel queasy.

     Five days before Christmas, Todd finally asked Samantha if she wanted presents this year.  She said that she'd rather use her presents to help a family in need, so Todd took her to shopping for a family in need.  Samantha still had to use a crutch to walk, even though a year had passed since the accident.  The doctors said that she needed to push herself harder, but Todd never made her.  The shopping trip took a lot out of the ten-year old, and she went to bed early that night.  The next day the two wrapped the presents and delivered them to the woman in charge of the Secret Santa program in their neighborhood.  Samantha never showed a hint of happiness through the experience.  She was always the most giving of Todd's children, and it broke his heart to see her so broken inside.  Todd didn't know if they could ever recover from such a loss as they had experienced.

     Now it was Christmas Eve morning.  Todd lay in bed wondering what he would do.  Should he get up and start making goodies for the neighbors?  Would it bring back too many bad memories for Samantha?  Should he pretend it was not Christmas Eve at all?  He just didn't know how to handle the situation.  If it was just him, he'd forget the holiday altogether, but Christmas was for kids.  Todd didn't want Samantha to lose any more of her childhood.

     Eventually, he decided it wasn't his decision to make.  He got up and went into Samantha's room.

     "Sam," he called through the doorway.  The room was mostly dark.  Pale light crept in around the drawn blinds.  It was still early morning.

     "Sam, do you want to make goodies, or should we just have a jammies day today?"

     There was still no answer.  Samantha lay still in her bed.  Todd didn't know what to do.  He wanted to let her just sleep if that was how she wanted to handle today, but something was gnawing at his gut. Call it father's intuition, but he knew he just had to check on her.  Quietly he tip-toed over to his daughter's bed to see if she was awake.  When he got close, he could tell that something was wrong.  Sam wasn't moving at all.  He pulled the blankets away from her face and saw that her lips were blue, and her face what ashen.

     "No!"

     He shook Sam a few times, and then hastily picked her up.  She was still warm, but her skin felt clammy.  He rushed her to his own room and dumped her limp body onto his bed.  He grabbed his cell phone from his night stand and dialed 911.

----------

     After five hours of waiting in the Emergency room waiting area, the doctor came out to speak with Todd.  Todd, sitting with his head in his hands, jumped up the minute the doors opened.  He rushed to the doctor, almost before he could get through the doors.

     "How is she?  What happened?  Is she going to be okay?"

     The doctor held his hand up, as if to hold back Todd's barrage of questions.  "Mr. Hacken... Mr. Hacken, please." 

     Todd stopped his questions and took a step back.  "Is my little girl going to be okay?"

     The doctor had a grim look on his face.  "Mr. Hacken, is there any reason your daughter would want to hurt herself?"

     "Hurt herself?  Why would..."  It all suddenly fell into place.  Samantha had been more than simply down.  She had been depressed.  Her eyes were dead.  The pain was too much for her.  "Oh, no," Todd said, as tears began to fill his eyes.

     "We had to pump her stomach, but we didn't get as much as we would have liked.  Most of the pain medication had already been absorbed into her body.  The best we can do now is try to flush the medication out.  We've got her on a respirator, but she is in a light coma.  Even if she does wake up, she'll likely have liver damage, maybe even kidney failure."

     The doctor was lecturing, as if Todd had done something wrong.  Todd wanted to yell at the man, but he didn't have it in him at that moment.  Instead, he told him about the accident, and how Samantha had lost her mother and siblings.  He told the doctor how hard the season was on her this year. How she didn't want to celebrate Christmas.  How she didn't want presents.  He didn't know it was this bad, though.

     "Can I see her now?"

     "She unresponsive, but she's past the critical phase," the doctor replied.  His tone had softened a bit.  "They are moving her to her own room.  You can meet her there."

     Todd shook the doctor's hand, and went to the room the nurse told him his daughter was being moved to.  She hadn't arrived yet, but in short order, a gurney bearing his innocent little girl came rolling down the hall.  Todd could hardly see Samantha's face.  There were tubes coming out of her nose and mouth.  She was hooked to IV bags.  She looked too small to be laying in a hospital bed with that much equipment hooked to her.

     After the nurses got her settled, they checked little Sammie's vitals again, and then left Todd to be alone with his unconscious daughter.  Todd broke down into tears as he watched, helpless.  His little girl lay unconscious in the hospital bed.  If it weren't for the machines, she wouldn't even be alive at this point.  

     The day wore on, and there was no change in Samantha.  Family came and left.  A few neighbors stopped by.  Todd's Bishop stopped by with a few of the men from his church, and they gave Samantha a blessing.  Todd thanked them, but didn't have much else to say.  The men tried to reassure him that things would be okay.  Todd could only nod.  He didn't believe in miracles anymore.  He'd prayed himself sick over the bodies of his wife and children, and they had been taken from him just the same.

     The men all left, but just before the Bishop walked out the door, he stopped and turned to Todd.  "Todd, I don't know what God's plan is for you.  I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain you've suffered this last year.  I look up to you so much for your strength."  He got a pensive look and added, "You must be a powerful warrior in God's army for him to have to go to such great lengths to test your strength."  The Bishop placed his hand warmly on Todd's shoulder.  "I just want you to know that I'm here to help you if you need me.  Anything.  Don't hesitate to ask."  

     Todd nodded, not even able to bring himself to even look the man in the eye.

     The Bishop turned to leave again, but stopped once more, and turned back.  "Todd, Jesus died and suffered for our sins, but he also suffered for our pain.  I don't know what you're going through, but he does.  If it gets to be too much for you, let him take some of the load.  He can handle it."

     Todd nodded again, and the Bishop left.

     The night wore on, and still no change in Samantha.  Todd felt numb.  He was beyond feeling simple grief.  It was as if he were dead inside.  How could he lose another child?  How could he go on alone.  He'd done everything he was supposed to do.  He always went to church.  He never went through a rebellious phase.  He never drank.  He never smoked.  He never even cursed.  He'd done everything God had ever asked him to do.  He married the love of his life.  He loved and cared for her.  He had done his best to love and raise his three children.  Why was all of this happening to him?

     "Why, God?  Why?"

     Todd began to cry again.  He sunk down off of the chair, and onto his knees.  His tears turned into racking sobs.  He took little Sammie's hand in both of his.  "Why God?  Haven't I suffered enough?  I'm not Job.  I'm not strong enough lose everyone I love.  I don't even know how to live without Jill, and Molly, and Tim.  How can you take my daughter now?  How can you take my last little girl from me?"

     Todd gave way to his tears.  He sobbed on his knees holding his little girl's hand until he fell asleep.

----------

     When Todd opened his eyes he was not on his knees.  He was laying in a soft bed.  It was light everywhere.  There seemed to be no source for the light, instead it seemed to radiate out from everything around him.  Todd sat up, abruptly, and looked around for Samantha.  She wasn't there.  He looked around again, nothing was there.  The bed he'd been laying on wasn't there.  It was all just light.  The light didn't hurt his eyes, but it was brighter than anything he'd ever seen.

     "Sam," he yelled.

     "Sam's okay, Todd."

     Todd almost jumped out of his shoes when he heard the voice.  There was nobody by him.  The voice was warm and inviting.  It sounded like the man was standing right by Todd's left shoulder, but there was nobody there, only light.

     "How do you know she's okay?  Did she wake up?  Is the IV working?"

     "She's resting, Todd."

     Todd looked around again.  Nobody was there.  He took a step in the direction of the voice.  "Where did you take her.  I need to be by her in case she wakes up.  She needs me."

     "She needs you Todd, and you need her."

     "Where is she?"

     Todd felt a warm hand on his shoulder.  He turned to see who it belonged to, but all he could see was light.  "She is well Todd.  It is you who I am worried about."

     "Me?  Why me?  I'm fine.  Nothing is wrong with me.  She's sick.  She needs my help."

     "She does need your help Todd.  You are her father.  I sent her to you because I knew she would need your help.  She needs guidance only you can give her.  She needs the love only you can give her.  She is your daughter, as much as she is Mine.  She needs you like any child needs their father.  And you need your Father right now."

     "Dad?"

     "Yes, son."

     "But you just left with mom.  Why is it so bright?  Why can't I see you?"

     "Todd, what have you learned about the family, in church?"

     Todd looked around in the brightness all around him.  The voice didn't sound like his father's voice.  "What do you mean, what have I learned?"

     "I mean, do you believe you will be with your family again after you die?"

     "Of course.  You've always taught me that.  Even before I started primary you've told me about how the family can be together forever."

     "And do you truly believe that?"

     Todd stopped looking around.  He suddenly knew this wasn't his father, James Hacken, this was his eternal Father, his Heavenly Father.  He was suddenly overcome with a feeling of unworthiness.  He was embarrassed that he didn't know immediately.  He started worrying about all of the sins he'd committed in his life.

     "Am I dead," Todd asked, after a long time wallowing in self-doubt.

     The voice laughed.  "No, Todd, you're not dead.  You needed me, so here I am."

     Todd began to cry again.  "Why?  Why would you take time to come to me?  I'm not important.  I'm not a prophet."

     "You are my son.  You are important to me."

     "But why?  I've never done anything special in my entire life."

     "Everything in your life is special to me.  Do you have a favorite child?"

     "No,"

     "Neither do I.  Would you ignore one of your children if they truly needed your help?"

     Todd knew he wouldn't.  If he could have his other two children back, he'd never yell at them again.  He'd never let a T.V. show get in the way again.  He'd take off work to go and see their plays, watch their games, and performances.  He'd do everything he could to be with them as much as possible. 

     

     "No," he finally said, though he didn't think the single word could truly convey how much he meant it.

     "Neither would I."

     "But I've asked for your help before and you ignored me," Todd said.  As the last words left his tongue he wished he could pull them back in.  He didn't want to say such things to his Heavenly Father.

     "I've never ignored you, Todd.  When Tim was riding his bike, and you let go of the seat so that he could ride on his own, were you ignoring him?"

     Todd felt his cheeks flush.  "No, I was trying to help him learn."

     "And when he fell in the bushes and needed stitches, did you let him give up and never try to ride the bike again?"

     "No," Todd said.  He remembered how bad he'd felt that Tim had fallen into the bushes.  Tim was so mad at Todd.  He blamed him for letting go of the bike.  He thought it was Todd's fault that he had to get stitches, and he swore he'd never try to ride his bike again.  The next Saturday, however, Tim was back on his bike, and when Todd let go this time, Tim rode all the way to the end of the circle.  He came running back, threw his arms around Todd, and said, "thank you".

     "You are learning to live, Todd, just like Tim was learning to ride his bike.  You have to fall sometimes.  Sometimes you have to get stitches.  Sometimes I have to let go so that you can learn to do things on your own.  That is why I sent you to earth, after all."

     "Okay, so what am I supposed to be learning from all of this?  What was I supposed to learn from losing my wife?  What was I supposed to learn from losing Tim? From losing Molly?"

     "That is why I asked you if you believe, Todd.  Do you believe that you will be with your family again after you die?"

     Todd started to cry.  "I don't know.  I thought I truly did, but now that they're gone, that's exactly what it feels like - they are just gone."  He cried a little harder.  "I'm so sorry.  I shouldn't be questioning, especially now, after being here with you, but it just feels like they are gone."

     Todd felt warm arms embrace him.  "You're still learning, Todd.  You don't have to know.  You only have to believe.  When Tim was learning to ride his bike, he didn't know how, but he believed you would teach him, and he tried.  The end result was that he learned to ride.  Did he fall along the way?  Yes.  Did he get hurt?  Yes.  Did he feel like you had let him down?  Yes.  Did it take more than one disappointment to gain the ability to ride? Yes.  Life is like that, Todd.  I know things you do not know, so I must allow certain things to happen to you so that you can learn.  Some things I do to test you.  Sometimes I have to let you go so you can ride on your own.  Sometimes you have to get hurt because you fail.  What is important is that you get up and try again.  Remember the things you've learned.  Families are forever.  Believe you will see your family again, and you will.  Will you doubt along the way?  Yes.  Will there be things or people who will try to make you believe otherwise?  Yes.  All that matters is the end result.  Keep believing, keep pushing forward, and the end result will be an eternal family."

     "But what about this world?  Am I supposed to be miserable and alone in this world so that I can be happy in the next?"

     "No, my son.  When you started working as an apprentice Veterinarian, do you remember what you always thought?"

     Todd had to think back a bit to remember, but eventually he did.  "I use to always think that when the apprenticeship was over that life would be better, and I'd be happier."

     "And is that what happened?"

     "No," Todd said sheepishly.  "I had to start a partnership with Bob Hershley, and I was even more miserable than before."

     "And what did you think while you were working in your first new business with Bob?"

     "I use to always think that things would be better when I could open my own practice, alone, without a partner."

     "And what happened when you opened your own practice?"

     "I was even more stressed because I didn't have anyone to help me with the ins and outs of running a business, and I had no time to be with my family, and I was even more miserable."

     "And when did you actually find happiness with your work?"

     Todd didn't know exactly when it had happened, but somewhere along the way things just seemed to be better.  He didn't have any more time.  He didn't have more people helping him.  His job didn't get any easier, he just learned to deal with it.  "I guess I started being happy when I stopped waiting for things to change.  I learned to be happy with the way things were."

     "That is right, son.  That is how life is.  So many people are waiting for something, or someone to come in and change everything they don't like, to make them happy.  But, as you've learned, only true happiness comes from within.  There is nothing I can do to make people happy.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a product of circumstance.  That is why I allow so many prayers to go unanswered.  If I gave my children everything they ever wanted, they wouldn't learn to be happy with anything.  Instead, they'd always be waiting for the next thing that would temporarily make them less dissatisfied."

     "But I'm not asking for stuff.  I want my daughter.  I can't lose her.  I'll try to have more faith in the eternal family.  I'll try to have more faith in you.  Please don't take her from me."

     The voice was quiet for a long while.  

     "Todd, how did you feel when you lost Jill and the kids?"

     "I felt terrible!  It was the worst week of my life.  They died one by one.  The doctors did everything they could to save them.  There were so many operations.  We prayed.  I gave blessings.  There was nothing I could do.  They all just died..."  Todd succumbed to his tears.

     "Todd, I lose children by the thousands every day.  What if I told you that I feel that same pain and anguish you felt when you lost your wife and children every time someone falls away from my gospel?  What if I were to tell you that I have to watch helpless as they use the very gift they fought so hard for, the freedom of choice, to choose wrong?  What if I were to tell you that it breaks my heart every time they make a mistake?  So few are honestly trying to do what I have told them to do.  So few will be able to come back to me.  What if I were to tell you that your suffering is a preparation for you to become like me?  You need to learn to lose because you will lose many of your own children when you are like me.  You cannot force them to be good because that would be like keeping the training wheels on Tim's bike forever.  They would never truly learn to ride."

     Todd felt a lump in his throat.  He didn't know how to respond to such a notion.  It had never crossed his mind before.

     "Todd, you are on the edge.  You are faced with a choice.  Do you hate me for your loss, and fall away from my gospel, taking your daughter with you and the countless posterity she will have, or do you learn to be happy with what you have, and have faith in what I've taught you from birth?  You asked me for help, and that is why I'm here.  You feel like you are losing your daughter.  I feel like I am losing you, Todd.  You begged me not to take her from you.  I'm begging you not to take yourself from me."

     Todd felt small and petty.   "What can I do," he asked.  "I try to go to church.  I read the scriptures.  We say prayers.  What more can I do?"

     That warm hand returned to his shoulder.  "Todd, these people say they are mine.  They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  I told these exact words to Isaiah and again to Matthew, and they are still true.  I know your heart, Todd.  It is not enough to simply show up in church, say a prayer at night, and read the scriptures.  I've felt your heart pull away from me this last year."

     Todd felt the lump in his throat grow.  He knew he'd been just going through the motions over the last year.  He was guilty of falling away from The Lord in his heart.  "What can I do, Father?  I don't know how to fix my heart.  I'm not mad at you.  I'm not even mad.  I just feel dead inside."

     "Tomorrow, the world will celebrate the birth of My Son, Todd.  Do you know why I sent him to earth?"

     Todd nodded.  "To die for our sins."

     "To live for your lives.  Jesus can do more than pay for your sins.  He can heal your heart.  He can replace the pain with happiness, but it's just like with your job as a Veterinarian, you have to learn to find happiness with what you have instead of only seeing what you've lost.  Todd, celebrate His birth tomorrow.

     "Do you remember all of those Christmases you so adored growing up?  What made them special?"

     "I guess it was all of the fun times with my family - all of the traditions."

     "That is right, Todd.  It wasn't the goodies, or presents, or carols, it was the time spent together.  It was the love that you shared.  It was the feeling of family you felt with your parents, siblings, and neighbors.  That is the love Christ brought to the world.  Tomorrow, if you celebrate His life, you will feel that love again.  You will be able to share that feeling of love and family with your daughter.  With that love, her heart can begin to heal.  You can both renew your faith that you will see your family again."

     Todd began to cry again.  This time it was a feeling of peace and relief.

     "And Todd,  teach my daughter, Samantha, to ride.  Teach her the love that my son has paid so dearly for."

     "I will," Todd said.  "I promise."

     The room started to dim.

     "Father!"  Tom yelled in desperation.  "I love you!"

     "I love you too, Todd."

     The room continued to dim until Tom found himself kneeling next to a hospital bed with the pale morning light just beginning to break in through the partially closed blinds.  Todd blinked a few times as he looked around the room.  He felt a small squeeze on his right hand.

     Todd jumped to his feet.  "Sam!"

     His little girl was looking up at him from her hospital bed.  The tubes sticking out of her mouth prevented her from saying anything.

     Todd smiled as the tears ran down both of their cheeks.  "I have something important to tell you..."