The Many Lives of Ruby Iyer

     The Many Lives of Ruby Iyer by Laxmi Hariharan is a YA Thriller set in Bombay.

     I want to start by saying that I wish I had Mrs. Hariharan's grammar.  She has perfect punctuation.  Secondly, this is the first Indie book I've read where the author does the inner thoughts of the protagonist in a way which is not distracting.  The quick, italicized thoughts actually add to the story instead of distracting from its natural flow.  I know this sounds funny, but it actually makes a big difference in the reader's experience.

     Ruby Iyer, our protagonist, is a strong willed, independent young woman living in Bombay with her best friend, Pankaj Verma (Panky).  The action starts when there is an accident at the railway.  Escaping death, but not the life-threatening shock of touching the live wires fueling the train, Ruby ends up in the hospital wondering how she survived the ten thousand volts running through her body.  Something has happened to Ruby; either the shock changed her, or it awakened something already inside.  The world also seems to have turned upside down.  

     Soon after the accident Panky is kidnapped.  Ruby teams up with a young cop named Vikram Roy to find out what happened to Panky.  It turns out that Bombay is under assault by a teen army bent on taking over the world.  The head of this army is a Dr. Kamini Braganza.  The "kiddie army", as Ruby likes to call it, has Panky.  Ruby and Vikram rampage through the city, saving strangers, running for their lives, and pretty much just kicking butt everywhere they go, ending in a kind of battle royal.

     Ruby is a wild character.  I don't know if Mrs. Hariharan was trying too hard to make her an action hero, if she was trying to accentuate a teen's violent mood swings, or what, but Ruby is borderline psychotic.  She has a violent temper, and cuts herself, among other things. The situations are a bit extreme, though, so perhaps it's simply reactionary to a world gone mad, but she seems to be pre-made that way.

     I've never been to Bombay, nor India for that matter, but Mrs. Hariharan has a great way of setting the scene without turning into Stephen King (10 pages to tell you it was raining, uhhg).  Even with the fast pace of the book, the reader is always in the scene.  It's quite a remarkable talent.

     There is a lot of language throughout.  I know we're all about pushing boundaries in today's society, but I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you're writing for kids, write for kids.  Teenagers are kids.  YA should be written for young adults.  PG-13 movies don't have multiple "F" words, and neither should YA novels.  I know teenagers want to be adult-like, and I know they probably curse more than most adults, but, call me crazy, I think authors should take a little more responsibility when writing for kids.  On the plus side, and unlike most of the supposed "YA" I've been receiving lately, there's no unnecessary teenage sex! Yay!  Just a lot of violence and language.

     I didn't connect with Ruby very well, but the story and the descriptive language made up for the disconnect with the protagonist.  The language was out of place for YA, in my opinion, and it was fairly violent, so, over all, I'd have to give the story

Mrs. Hariharan also wanted me to post this link for an I-phone 6 give away

     

a Rafflecopter giveaway

     

The Undecideds Chapt. 5

     Once again, this is all very rough work.  I hardly read this over before posting it, and there are a lot of parts I would change, but I've got to get back to my other book, so here's chapter 5 of the book I'm writing with my daughter.

Chapter 5

                The rest of that school day seemed to go on forever.  Rachel  had missed her Angelology, and Predatory classes, but she felt confident that she knew enough about those two guilds that she wouldn’t really be behind.  She walked in halfway through her Math Class, but the teacher didn’t say a word.  Rachel figured that the teacher had probably heard the gossip about the Co-Leaders of the Angel Guild showing up, and didn’t want to have any part of that trouble.  Math was easy, and this class seemed to be review compared to her private tutelage.  The new student’s assembly and orientation was next on her schedule.  Rachel wondered if the principal had had enough time to compose herself after the encounter with her parents.  She would find out soon enough.

The entire school met in the gymnasium for the assembly.  The second year kids were singing the school anthem when Rachel and the rest of the first year students arrived.  The gymnasium was enormous.  Rachel found herself lost in awe, temporarily forgetting her misery.  She and the rest of the first year students filed in, most with only a ball of fur in tow.  The second year students had a wide variety of spirit beasts.  Some were fully developed, but stayed at Undecided’s Intermediate because they didn’t want to switch schools half-way through.  Most, though, only had partially developed beasts.  Balls of fur with lion’s faces, or legs and no face, or goat heads, or arms, were all hooting and howling at the new students.  The gym was noise in a box.

There were cheerleaders on the basketball court rallying the crowd.  There was a mascot of a dragon, which was the school’s mascot because it was a legendary beast that nobody had had for thousands of years, dancing around the court.  It must have taken three or four students to operate the enormous costume.  Rachel smiled, in spite of her horrible day.

Once all the students were seated the principal took the pulpit and everyone quieted down.  Principal Winehart looked to be put back together as she welcomed the new students to Undecided’s Intermediate School.  She was halfway through her welcome speech when someone yelled, “Principal Whiner Baby.”  The rest of the school burst out in laughter.  Rachel’s cheeks burned.  The Principal looked to have been physically knocked back a step, and Rachel thought she saw her bottom lip quiver.

Principal Winehart smoothed her grey skirt down at her hips and took a step back up to the microphone.  A deep scowl settled on her face as she scanned the student body.  Most of the kids quieted down.  A few of the older boys were chanting, “Whiner Baby,” but eventually that too died out.  The Principal found Rachel in the crowd, and held up her hand to quiet the rest of the students.  All of the other students raised their hands and shut their mouths.  Rachel figured it must have been a sign to be quiet in the school.  They never needed such tactics in the Angel’s Elementary School she attended.  She shyly raised her hand and looked down at her feet to avoid eye contact with the principal.

“Rachel Sie,” the principal said in a commanding voice.  “Come to the pulpit at once!”

The students all around Rachel looked at her.  She felt her ears burning.  She didn’t want to, but felt herself stand up and start walking towards the pulpit, just the same.  She never took her eyes from her feet, but she knew that everyone was looking at her.  A few of the children whispered things to one another, but mostly the gym was dead silent.  Rachel could hear her heart beating in her ears with a loud whooshing sound.  After what seemed like the longest walk in her entire life, she found herself standing in front of the pulpit at the center of the gymnasium.

Principal Winehart covered the microphone with her hand and leaned around the pulpit towards Rachel.  “Been talking about what happened in my office, have we?”

Rachel looked up in shock, shaking her head, “No, I swe…”

“Hush,” the principal cut her off.  “I’ll have no lies to save your hide.” 

Rachel had thought the principal looked pleasant, and even beautiful in her own way, before.  Now, she looked mean.  And she wore a scowl that looked to be easily brought forth.  Her cat was sitting at her heels with the hair on its back raised.  A low moan resonating from the cat made Rachel sick with worry about what Principal Winehart had in store for her.

The principal took her hand from the microphone and looked back towards the students gathered at the assembly.  “This is Rachel Sie, daughter of Saul Sie and Claudia Sie, the Co-Leaders of the Angel Guild.”  She motioned to one of the other teachers, and he brought a sawhorse looking stand in front of the pulpit.  “Bend over it, Miss Sie.”

Rachel didn’t know what the sawhorse stand was, but she knew she didn’t want to bend over it.  Once again, she felt herself walking over to it anyway.  She felt numb.  She bent over the sawhorse with her face a bright red hue.  The principal walked around the pulpit and behind her.  Suddenly, Rachel felt a sharp pain on her rear-end.  She cried out, instinctively, and stood up slightly.  The male teacher pushed her shoulders back down over the sawhorse just as she received another thrashing on her rear-end.  Rachel tried to cover her bottom with her hands, but the rod struck her hands instead, causing even greater pain than her bottom, so she quickly moved them.  Principal Winehart struck her ten times in total.  By the sixth lash, Rachel was bawling.  The lashings hurt, but more than anything she was humiliated.  She had never been spanked growing up.  The Angel Guild’s elementary schools would never dream of striking a child.  Physical violence was considered barbaric to all in the Angel Guild, but here, they obviously had different ideas about it.

When the ordeal was over, the principal courtly said, “Stop your blubbering and return to your seat.”  Rachel tried to stifle her crying, but couldn’t seem to stop.  Her breath came in racking sobs as she tried with all her might to stop crying.  A few of the kids snickered at her, but most sat upright in fear of the horror they had just witnessed.  Obviously, some of them weren’t use to physical discipline either.  When she reached her seat, she sat down quickly, trying to hide from the thousands of eyes watching her.  The moment her bottom hit the seat she cried out in shock from the painful welts on her bottom.

Principal Winehart slowly walked back behind the pulpit and stood staring at Rachel until she looked up.  She was still holding the thin rod she had used to lash Rachel’s bottom.  Rachel felt angry,  humiliated, and scared all at once.  The principal held her gaze for a while before a self-satisfied smile crossed her lips.

She looked around at the rest of the student body and said, “She has the most powerful and influential parents among you, but she is not above me in my own school.  Just the rest of you think about that the next time you think to open your mouths.”  The gym was silent.  Even the second-year students were sobered by what they had witnessed.  The principal finished her speech and sat down.  Several other faculty members spoke to the students, but Rachel didn’t hear a word of what was said.  She sat in her seat in a daze.  Sometime the students would clap.  Sometimes they would laugh, but Rachel just stared at her feet, wishing the day would end.

After the assembly the students returned to their classes.  Rachel noticed that they studiously ignored her.  Some went so far as to turn their heads away from her as they walked past.  Rachel filed out of the gym with the rest of the students, and into the hall.  She had no idea where her next class was, nor did she care.  She just started walking down the hall with the flow of students leaving the gym. 

David found her and asked her something.  His voice sounded like it was coming from the opening of a deep well.  She turned to him and asked, “What?”

David smiled his goofy smile, and took her notebook from her hand, opening it up to her schedule.  “Ah, economics.  I know where that is, I’ll walk you.”

Rachel nodded numbly, and walked with David to her next class.  He was jabbering on about how he was sorry the principal had done that to her and how he knew she wasn’t use to that kind of punishment.  She hardly heard a word of what he was saying.  When they got to her economics class, David said his goodbyes and left her standing in the doorway.  Rachel could see the kids inside pointing and whispering to one another.  Tears filled her eyes, and she turned and ran down the hall.

She bumped into several students along the way, they yelled at her, but she didn’t stop nor did she hear a word of what they were saying.  She ran until she was at the front entrance of the school.  She saw the light of day beaming in through the glass doors of the large entryway, and ran for them.  Before she knew it, she was halfway home, and her lungs were burning with the effort to keep her panting.  She had a painful stitch in her side, and had to stop to catch her breath.  Her heaving panting turned into sobs, and she fell to her hands and knees, half crying and half gasping for air.

She cried for a long while before she ran out of tears.  Once she was able to stop, she felt something deep within her.  It wasn’t anger, or hurt, or sadness, but it was a powerful feeling.  It was a feeling of determination and strength.  She had never felt the likes of this before.  She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would never cry again.  She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and picked herself up.  With shaky arms, she wiped away the streams of tears from her face.  Some had already dried to salty streaks, but she didn’t care anymore. 

Her parents were the cause of all of this, she was certain.  She wanted nothing more to do with the politics of the Angel Guild.  She marched the rest of the way home, knowing nobody would be there.  When she got home, she went to her room and started packing her things.  She didn’t really have any idea where she was going, but she knew she didn’t want to be there anymore.  Once she had a bag full of clothes, she went to the kitchen, and got some bread, and peanut butter and jelly.  She stuffed them in with her clothes and zipped the bag closed.  She didn’t want there to be any question as to where she went, so she decided to leave a note.  She wanted her parents to know that they had brought this on themselves.  She wanted them to hurt like she hurt, know that they had driven her away.

She put the pen to the paper and started to write:

Dear Mom and Dad,

                I cannot bear to live with the Angel Guild’s dictates anymore.  They seem to be constantly contradicting themselves, and I’m tired of hearing them all the time.  I can’t do anything right! I’m tired of feeling smothered all the time, so I’m running away.

                You ruined my life today when you came to my school and threatened my principal.  She struck me ten times with a rod in front of the entire school.  I have never been so humiliated in all of my life, and it’s all your fault.  I can never forgive you.  This is just the last thing in a long line of horrible things I’ve had to endure because I’m the daughter of the Angel Guild leaders.  The Angel Guild is full of hypocrites and so are its leaders.

                Don’t bother coming to look for me.  I’m never coming home, and I don’t want  to have anything to do with this family, or this guild ever again.

                Rachel

                Rachel read the letter over several times, thinking about changing different parts, but finally decided to just keep it the way she wrote it.  She picked up her bag and walked to the door.  Her stomach gave a little flurry when she opened the door and looked back into her house for the last time.  She took a deep breath, and closed the door behind her.

Roman (Saints and Sinners)

      Roman (Saints and Sinners) by Kennedy Streath (Nya Rawlyns)is a YA Romance/Dark Fantasy.  I'm not exactly sure why Mrs. Rawlyns felt she needed a different pen name for this book, except that maybe she wanted to have a different standing for YA than her usual adult work.  And I do mean "Adult Work".  She has a score of Adult Romance novels out, so going into this, I was very wary.  I don't mind Romance, and I don't even mind a sex scene or two in a novel if they aren't too explicit, but when the whole book is smut, I can't turn the page.  The only reason I agreed to review this work was that it was YA, and I hoped that the smut would be toned down for the kiddos.  

     Okay, before I start the review, I need to get a monkey off my back.  I'm part of so many writer's forums, blogs, support groups, and Facebook pages I can't even keep track of most of them.  I always see the question, "Why don't publishers like the omniscient narrative voice?"  Well, I've read a couple of professionally published works where they author, with, I'm sure, the help of editors, made it work.  I've also been reading a lot of indie work from authors who don't have the benefit of all of that professional help.  Omniscient Narrative is very, VERY, hard to do well.  It can be very confusing and jarring to read when not done well.  I'm all but convinced that a single author, no matter how talented, can not accomplish the task alone.  It's the biggest critique I have of this book.  Don't use an omniscient voice.  When I have to go back an read something over again because I don't know who is talking/thinking what, I get put in a surly mood.  Especially when thoughts are italicized without lead-in or lead-out tags annotating who is speaking/thinking.  TJ's thoughts are thrown in in the middle of other character's sentences.  There are better ways to portray thoughts and feelings.

     Okay, on to the review.  Theresa Jane (TJ) just lost her no-good mother, and is forced to move in with her no-good father who abandoned them when she was five.  Typical premise for this type of YA novel.  

     A strange young man named Roman is living with her father.  He's on probation for a crime which has been sealed, and even the police don't seem to want to talk about.  The only advice her brother tells her before shipping off is to stay away from the boy.  You know the old saying, "the best way to get a girl to do something is to tell her not to do it"?  Well, it works.  The mysterious bad boy is an immediate obsession for TJ, even against her own will.  She finds herself drawn to him, wondering about everything about him.  Her dreams are even riddled with the essence of him.  That part is borderline too adult for a YA book, but I digress.  

     It becomes quickly apparent, however, that there is more going on with Roman than just your typical street tough teen.  The lead-ins for this are actually brilliant.  I have to tip my hat to Mrs. Rawlyns for not giving away too much too fast.  The characters are built very carefully, and even with the whinny, poor-picked-on-me, school girl premise, I didn't hate TJ.  She's not completely self-absorbed like most YA protagonists seem to be.  I'm certain the YA audience will love her.

     There are strange things happening in the mine just outside of town.  And the towns people all refer to it as, "the same thing that happened four years ago".  Four years ago is about the time Roman showed up.  There is also a dark contract involved...

     The story is actually quite good.  The characters are well developed.  I cringed a little whenever things heated up between Roman and TJ, just because of the other books Mrs. Rawlyns has written, and she did a pretty good job staving off the inevitable, but, right towards the end, she gave in to her writing habits.  A couple of sixteen year-olds going at it... It was kind of a shame because the rest of the book was rather good.  I don't think teens need more sex and passion.  That one little slip, in my opinion, made the book unsuitable for YA.  Even though it wasn't too explicit.  So, that's my only other criticism; write for kids, or write for adults.  Don't put too many adult ideas into kids' minds who can barely contain their hormones as it is.

     I would have given this book 4-5 stars if not for the end.  As it stands  I give it

The Undecideds chapt. 3

Chapter 3

                Rachel froze as she walked in the door, suddenly remembering where she was.  This class wasn’t as talkative. There were three or four groups of girls gathered in different areas of the classroom whispering quietly amongst themselves.  A lot of students were at their desks thumbing through the class’s text.  Few even glanced her way as she tentatively found a seat.  Her stomach gave a little flutter as she looked at the black book sitting on her desktop.  “Demonology” it read in bright red letters.  Rachel felt sick to her stomach.  She didn’t even want to look at the cursed thing.  She looked, instead, at the other students.  Most had flaming red hair with electric blue eyes.  Something about them reminded Rachel of her brother. Though, he had sandy blonde hair with blue eyes.  It was something about the intensity in their eyes that made her think of her prodigal older brother.

                She took a deep breath to calm herself, and then sat with her fingers folded neatly on her desk, looking straight ahead, and waiting for the teacher to arrive.  No one sat next to her, so there was no hope of making a friend in this class.  Rachel was quite certain that she didn’t want any friends in this class, anyway.

The door flew open and a tall man dressed all in black with a black cape came rushing in.  He had flaming red hair, electric blue eyes, and a miserable white face.  The man was followed by the most horrible spirit beast Rachel had ever seen.  Most of the angel beasts in her gated community were beautiful creatures.  A few were imposing, but still looked awe-inspiring.  This beast, however, only made her feel fear.  It was a biped, but the legs were those of a bull or goat with hooves for feet.  The body was that of a muscular man, and it held a vicious looking battle axe in each gnarled hand.  The head was that off a bull with long curled horns.  

When the man stopped behind the podium at the front of the class, the minotaur spirit beast buckled the twin axes to its belt and stood with its massive arms folded behind the man in black.  The man in black briefly glanced around the room, and then he picked up a paper from his desk and glared at it.

“Beruga Lemonsworth,” he bellowed.

A young man from the back of the class answered, “present.”

The man looked up, “Carol and Brian’s boy?”  The young man nodded his head.  “I’m pleased to teaching such a renowned Demon Clan family member. I expect much of you.”   The boy beamed with pride as the teacher continued to call roll.

“And Rachel Sie,” the teacher’s expression turned bitter.  “Sie, as in Saul and Claudia Sai?”

Rachel swallowed hard, “Ye… yes, sir.”  She didn’t want to look him in the eye, but she sat straight up just the same, with her neck straight and her eyes locked on the chalkboard behind the teacher.

“Your parents have been no end of trouble for my clan, young lady,” the teacher said with a sneer.  “It will be interesting to see what I can teach you this year.”  He smiled to himself and continued to call roll. 

Rachel was glad that he didn’t say more, but she was worried at what he planned to teach her.  She felt a need to explain that she did have a demon spirit beast brother.  She didn’t know why, but she felt the need to justify her heritage to this man.  She wasn’t even sure her brother had a demon spirit beast, but as she looked at the hoofed creature standing behind her teacher all she could picture her brother with was a similar horrible monster. 

The man in black was writing his name on the board: Mr. Sharp.  Afterward, he began lecturing about how they would learn more in his class than in any other in the school, and how the ill-gotten reputation of the Demon Clan was not accurate.  The bell rang, but nobody dared move until Mr. Sharp excused them.  Mr. Sharp finished his rant, and then excused the class.  Rachel stuffed her book into her backpack and bolted out the door before the teacher could catch her.  Her little ball of fur frantically bounced after her, tripping another student in the process.  The student cried out, but Rachel didn’t even turn around to apologize.  Be curtious, she remembered, but she was already halfway down the hall by then.  She just had to warn David about Mr. Sharp.

                David wasn’t in the classroom.  In fact, it was empty.  Mr. Sharp had held them after class longer than Rachel had thought.  She slumped against the wall, wondering if she would ever make it through the year alive.  Chants of, “Fight, Fight, Fight,” brought her out of her sulking thoughts.  Though she abhorred violence, Rachel picked herself up and rushed down the hall.  She might be able to help.  At least that was what she convinced herself as she rushed towards the circle of students.

She found it difficult to politely nudge her way through the crowd.  One of the students outright shoved her backward.  This definitely was not like her elementary school.  Elle had given Robby Bridges a black eye once, but that was an almost unheard of occurrence.  The whole incident actually caused a month long scandal in her little gated community. 

And Elle still managed to get a Pegasus spirit beast, Rachel thought to herself.

These kids acted like this rude behavior was common-place.  Perhaps Rachel didn’t need to worry so much about what her thoughts or her minor infractions of the Angel Guild’s “Be Attributes” would do to her spirit beast’s evolution. 

She picked herself up and harshly shoved her way through the crowd.  At last she reached the inner circle. She stood on tiptoe, behind some taller kids, and gasped, horrified.  A small boy was fighting a second year student.  Getting beaten up would a better way of putting it.  The boy was on the floor, on his back.  His face dotted with big, lurid, red spots where he’d been punched.  His nose was bleeding.  A muscular boy was on top of him, punching him wildly.  The crowd was chanting their approval, but Rachel’s heart sank watching the massacre.  She was used the angelic nature of the Angel Clan.  This was so… horrible.  She needed to stop this now, right now.

                She leapt to action, shoving through the front circle of students around the two boys.  Without even thinking, Rachel shoved the older boy off the small boy.  The older boy was so caught off guard that he fell easily to the ground, and slid across the slick school floor into the feet of the gathered crowd.

“What are you doing,” he exclaimed.  When he looked up to see a girl standing over the smaller boy he smirked. “Pretty girl wants to join the fight, eh?”

Rachel felt like she had suddenly woke up to what was happening.  She felt sick.  She wanted to run, but her feet weren’t listening to her.  All she could do is stand there and glare at the older boy as he stood up and slowly strutted over to her with a cocky smile on his face.  A whimper escaped Rachel’s throat, though she did her best to hold it in.  The boys around the inner circle had heard and began to laugh and poke fun at her.  The older boy looked around at his buddies and smiled triumphantly at their jeers.  He was only two feet away from her, and before he turned his head back to her, Rachel felt her hand soaring through the air.

----------

                On the cold bench in front of the Principals office, Rachel gazed at her fists; tiny delicate fists, like the rest of her.  They looked quite fragile, actually.  They didn’t look like they could break a nose.  Even so, that boy was still in the nurses’ office, blabbering away, and bleeding all over the place.  Payback, Rachel thought.  Then she quickly repented.  Be forgiving, be kind, be loving, she thought, over and over.

She gazed at the boy on her right.  He had his hands folded, looking down.  Longish bangs of brown hair covered his face.  Why did she help him?  Why was he in a fight with a second year student to begin with?  Was it possible that he had started the fight?  What was she thinking, leaping to action when it was a horrible sin to hit someone out of anger?  She hopped she’d have the answers before she had to talk to the principal… She really hopped she’d have the answers before she had to explain herself to her parents.

Rachel sniffed up the blood running from her nose.  Occasionally, it would bleed again.  There was already a dry, red line all the way to her lips, though, so why bother?  She didn’t remember getting hit, but somehow she had a bloody nose, too. 

“Why did you do it,” the boy asked suddenly.

“What,” She asked innocently.

“Protect me. Why?”

Rachel looked down.  She really didn’t have an answer.  It all happened so fast.  It was like instinct took over.  Why was he concerned, anyway?  Rachel was the one who had sinned.  Rachel was the one who had hurt the other boy.  Her spirit beast would be the one who would be affected by her rash behavior.  The boy was just laying there getting hit when Rachel arrived. He didn’t look to be fighting back.  He was the one who acted angelic.

“You didn’t need to jump in,” the boy yelled.  “Who said I needed any help at all!”

“And who said I was helping you,” Rachel retorted, before she could get a hold of her emotions.

The boy looked up, shocked.  Rachel could finally see his dark brown eyes.  Despite all the red marks which were quickly turning into bruises, he was rather cute.  His face was red with embarrassment.  Suddenly, Rachel realized why he was so mad… she had made him look bad in front of the other boys.

“I’m sorry,” she said weakly as she looked down at her petite fingers again.

A tear scrolled down her face, just before the door to the Principal’s office opened.

                

A little book I'm writing with my oldest daughter

    My daughter loves to write stories and books.  This is one we do together.  She writes a chapter, I write a chapter.  It's pretty fun.  This is really raw (unedited), but it's the first chapter, which we wrote together.

Chapter 1

                Rachel lay awake, as she had for so many nights the last few weeks.  Tomorrow was the day she would start intermediate school.  She was both excited and scared.  Elementary school was easy.  The schooling was vigorous, but like all children from Qualia Duo, she was smart.  Math, Language, Science, Herbology, History, Social studies, and Economics came easy to her.  Beastology was her favorite subject, though.  She was, after all, a daughter of two angelic beast parents.  They kept her busy every hour after school with tutors from every beast guild in Qualia Duo.  That was on top of her angelic beast training.

She looked down at the sleeping ball of fur curled up at the foot of her bed; her spirit beast.  Rachel had just turned eleven, but her beast still hadn't evolved.  That meant she was going to the Undecided’s Intermediate School.  Some of the kids in her elementary school had developed last year or over the summer, so they got to go to schools suited to their spirit beasts.  Her best friend, Maddie, had developed over the summer.  Her parents were so proud when her little ball of fur had grown wings and the head of a horse.  They were both in the Angelic Guild with Rachel’s mom and dad, so a daughter developing pegasus spirit beast was a source of great pride for Maddie’s parents.  Maddie should have gone to Undecided’s Intermediate School with Rachel because her beast still didn’t have a body, but her parents had pulled some strings to get her into the Angelic Guild’s Intermediate School.

Rachel felt a twinge of jealousy for her friend’s beasts.  Maddie would get to live with her mom and dad forever because she had an angelic beast like them.  Rachel quickly repented of her jealousy.  She knew that bad thoughts and feelings could change her beast into a monster.  She looked down nervously at the little ball of fur again.  Sometimes it scared her.  The spirit beast would reveal her true character when it evolved, and Rachel worried that her true character might not live up to the ideals of the Angelic Guild. 

Rachel had heard all the lessons the Angelic Guild members had to teach her; “Be honest”, “Be brave”, “Be virtuous”, “Be loving”, “Be forgiving”, “Be kind”, and hundreds of other “Be’s” that it took to have an angelic spirit beast.  Her parents had actual angel beasts.  Her father had a beautiful female angel, clothed in a white robe with long blonde hair, a ten foot wingspan, and a flaming sword.  Her mother had a muscular male angel, with flowing blonde hair, a fifteen foot wingspan, and shimmering armor.  He wielded a trident, and carried a silver shield.  Both angel beasts glowed an otherworldly gold which made it almost uncomfortable to look directly at them.  They were doubly matched; as they fell in love their spirit beasts also fell in love.  Their dual marriage made them head of the Angelic Guild because they were easily one of the most powerful couples in the guild. 

Having parents with angel beasts didn’t guarantee that Rachel would have an angelic spirit beast.  In fact, her older brother had developed a demon spirit beast!  He grew weary of the constant lectures about living a good life, and he began to rebel when he was just a year younger than Rachel was now.  He got worse over time and when horns appeared on his spirit beast’s ball of fur, Rachel’s parents banished him from the house.  Rachel never saw him again.  She could only assume his beast developed into a full demon spirit beast, but she had no way of knowing. 

Rachel’s older sister, Elle, on the other hand, was a little miss perfect.  It was little surprise when her ball of fur began to grow angelic wings and glow a beautiful golden hue.  Now, her beast was fully developed into a beautiful female angel.  It would be a few more years before the beast developed armor or weapons, but Elle would be going into high school this year, and no doubt, she would be the talk of the school with her gorgeous angel spirit beast.  Elle treated her beast as one of her best girl friends.  They would giggle over the stupidest things, and spend hours alone in their room gossiping telepathically with each other.

For the second time that morning Rachel had to check her feelings, as jealousy threatened to take hold again.  She looked at the little ball of fur at her feet again, hoping that it hadn’t felt her feelings, though she knew it had.  The butterflies in her stomach started twittering again.  What would her spirit beast reveal about her?

The room was getting lighter now.  Morning was coming, and Rachel hadn’t slept all night.  Her stomach tightened with anxiety.  Her spirit beast rolled around uncomfortably.  He didn’t like the feelings she was having, but she couldn’t help it.  She was scared of going to a school where she didn’t know anybody.  She was scared of who would be at the school.  The Undecided’s Intermediate School would have little fur balls like her spirit beast, but it would also have animals which had not yet fully developed and were still considered undecided, even if everyone had a pretty good idea as to what they were going to be.  There would probably kids who would develop demon spirit beasts there.  That thought unnerved Rachel the most.  Often times, demon spirit beasts killed as their first act of evolution.  The thought of murder made Rachel sick.  Of all of the Angelic Guild’s teaching, the value of life was the one which struck her the hardest.  She knew that she never wanted to kill.  Everyone in Qualia Duo killed, eventually.  Even the angelic spirit beasts, but at least the Angelic Guild taught to value life above all other things.  They only killed in defense or defending the defenseless.  She prayed that the day would never come where she would have to defend herself, or somebody else. 

Rachel smiled for the first time in weeks.  Maybe her value of life would be enough to make her spirit beast evolve into an angelic creature.  She didn’t want to leave her family.  Not all families jumped to conclusions like her parents.  Her brother’s beast horns could have been the horns of a goat, or some other animal, but her parents were not as accepting as the schools in Qualia Duo.  Rachel wasn’t even sure if her parents would keep a child with a normal beast that wasn’t a demon.  She was pretty sure that if her little ball of fur wasn’t an angel, or at least an angelic beast like a Pegasus or unicorn, than she would be kicked out just like her brother.  The thought put her stomach back into knots.

Not being able to stand the wait any longer, Rachel threw back the covers and hopped out of bed.  Her spirit beast rolled to the floor with a “thud” after her.  She turned around and shushed the ball of fur. It wasn’t quite time to get up yet, but laying in bed waiting was only making her more nervous.  He made a growling sound at her, but she ignored him and walked quietly to the door.  A hot shower would go a long way to calm her nerves. 

When she opened the door to her room she was surprised to see her little brother bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet.  His little spirit beast was just as energetic, rolling around all around his bouncing feet.  When she looked back at her brother’s face, he was grinning from ear to ear.

“What are you doing up so early Sam,” she asked.

He smiled even bigger, and then looked at the bathroom door.

Rachel looked at the door and then back at Sam who had already turned to run to the bathroom.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she yelled as she chased him down the hall, but she wasn’t fast enough and he had the door locked before she could catch him.

“Sam, open the door!  I need to shower!”

“So do I,” he yelled back, through the door.

“I go to school earlier than you,” Rachel complained, though she knew it was too late.  “Come on, Sam.  It’s my first day.  I need to be ready on time.”

“It’s my first day, too,” Sam yelled as the shower started.

“Ugggh,” Rachel exclaimed as she hit the door and turned to storm off.

“Be patient,” her mother called from the kitchen, reciting one of the many “Be” dictates of the Angelic Guild.

Rachel rolled her eyes, but quickly repented when she looked down at her little ball of fur.  She took a calming breath to control her anger, and then walked down the hall to the kitchen.  Rachel’s mother was a beautiful woman, slender with dark hair and blue eyes, and she always looked done up.  Even first thing in the morning.  Her angel was busy cooking breakfast.  The kitchen was designed for him because he loved to cook.  His massive wings needed room to move around, so the stove and countertop island were several feet apart.  The human-like beast was busy cooking some omelets for breakfast.

“Mom, it’s not fair, I have to go to school an hour before him…”

“And you’re up an hour early, so you’ll have plenty of time,” her mother interrupted, before she could finish her argument.

“He’s only starting 4^th grade.  Nobody is going to care what he looks like,” Rachel complained.  She knew it was a mistake before she even said it, but the sleepless night had left her feeling a bit moody.  Her mother’s angel started a bit because Rachel had almost raised her voice.  He looked at her tentatively out of the corner of his eyes.

Her mother locked eyes with her, as if trying to judge if she were starting to rebel like her brother had.  Without meaning to, Rachel looked away.  She could never look into the judgmental eyes of her mother or father.  They were almost perfect in the dictates of the Angelic Guild.  Who was Rachel to argue with them?

“Be patient,” Her mother repeated.  She took Rachel’s chin in her hand and forced her to look her in the eyes.  “Be kind.  Be loving. Be understanding.  Be giving.  Be sympathetic,” she said, squeezing playfully with the last words of advice.  Her mother then took her in her arms in a warm hug.  “It’s a little nerve-racking going to a new school, huh?”

Rachel nodded the best she could in the bear hug.

“Well, I’ve been there.  I know it’s scary, but everything will be alright,” she said.  Rachel knew that she hadn’t exactly ‘been there’ because her mother had developed at a young age, and she got to go to an Angelic Intermediate School, but she didn’t want to argue the point.  “Intermediate school is a fun time.  You get to make some strides in the direction of your choice for the first time in all your school life.  Have fun with it dear.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and be brave.”

Her mother released her enough to look into her eyes.  Rachel just smiled and nodded.

“What’s this about being scared,” came a booming voice from behind.  It was her dad.

Rachel turned to face him only to be thrown up in the air by his angel spirit beast.  The playful female angel was always happy to play with the kids.  The beast caught her and hugged her too tight before placing her back on the ground.  The angelic face was always smiling.  At times, Rachel felt closer to her father’s angel spirit beast than to either of her parents, even though it could never talk directly to her.

“She said you look lovely, and the boys will be drooling over you all day,” Her father said.  It was a pity that spirit beasts could only communicate through their humans.  At times it was a little unnerving.  The angels looked so human-like that Rachel often forgot that they were spirit beasts.  “I don’t know if I like the idea of all that,” her father continued as he groaned and looked at her mother. 

Her mother just laughed and continued setting the table for breakfast. 

Her father groaned again and looked at Rachel.  “You’re not into boys and all that yet are you?”

“Dad,” Rachel exclaimed as she rolled her eyes.  “How did a conversation about Sam stealing my shower time turn into a talk about boys?”

Her father laughed, knowing he had won the game and gotten her flustered.  Rachel couldn’t be mad at him.  She knew he was only teasing her.  Just then, the water stopped and Rachel raced down the hall to get in the bathroom before her other little brother woke up.  He was only five, and loved to tease even more than Sam or her dad.  The door opened and Rachel pulled Sam out of the bathroom, jumped inside the door and locked it behind her. 

“Hey,” Sam protested. 

She heard her mother say something, but couldn’t quite make it out.  Then she looked down and saw Sam’s spirit beast wet and frightened at her feet rolling around in a panic to get to its human.  It wasn’t until then that she realized she had locked her own spirit beast out in the hall with her little brother.  Rachel opened the door to see her mother’s stern face looking down at her disapprovingly, holding her little ball of fur in her arms.

Sam’s beast rolled out of the door in a panic to get close to its human.  Rachel had no excuse for her actions and looked down at her feet, waiting for the lecture.

“Be patient,” her mother repeated, gently placing Rachel’s spirit beast in her hands.  “Be patient, Rachel.  Sometimes I wonder what will become of you, when you can’t learn the very basics of the Angelic Guild’s dictates.”

Rachel wondered too.

Ataxia and the Ravine of Lost Dreams

     In Ataxia and the Ravine of Lost Dreams, Rachel Barnard creates a post WWIII world in which hackers and other cyber crimes destroyed the fabric of society.  The Americas band together to create a single nation, and the government took control of cyber activity, news, and any form of press.  This new founded government (Referred to as Obies, or old boys) covers up an on going war between itself and a rebellion group know as Ataxia.  The story is told first person, through the eyes of a young woman named MC.  MC has a secret past, and a secret agenda.  

    The story takes place at an academy.  There is a form of high tech dodge ball which seems to be the main focus of the students.  The students enter an ever changing arena and throw "Fireballs" at each other.  They wear special uniforms that, when hit, freeze the person for the rest of the round.  The point is to get the most kills, be on a winning team, or avoid being killed, and there is a point system in place for each of those things.  The problem is that the teams constantly change, so you could be with a group of friends, and then the round is over and your uniforms change colors, making you instant enemies.  The rankings from these games compile throughout the year and the top ranked contenders, supposedly, get picked first for the best jobs upon graduating.  Of course there is a government conspiracy behind all of this, but I won't spoil the novel for you.

     MC is in a constant internal battle between her mission, performing well in the competition, keeping her distance from other students, and wanting to be a normal teenage girl.  She does make friends, but has to distance herself from them. And, of course, there is a love interest, along with a few side love triangles.

     The story is great, and I reservedly recommend the book to anyone who likes realistic, futuristic fiction.  The reason I say "reservedly" is because this is an Indie book.  It needs some major content editing.  Mrs. Barnard has a great story, but the characters are inconsistent, and the beginning of the book is very confusing.  The transitions of time passing need more explanation.  I found myself lost several times in the novel.  If you can get through the first 3-4 chapters, you will find that you enjoy the rest of the story with only a few hiccups between scenes and the passing of time.  

In all, I give this book